Why Every Leader Needs a Spiritual Director
Whether you’re a business owner, a pastor, or a stay-at-home mom, if you’re a leader, a spiritual director can be an indispensable ally in your ability to thrive.
Last week a friend posted on social media The 25 Leadership Lessons of Steve Kerr. (Kerr is head coach of the NBA Golden State Warriors.) A comment was left bemoaning the fact this is the same leadership advice that’s been packaged and re-packaged for years. To which, my friend responded, maybe it’s because bosses still don’t put it into practice.
A spiritual director leads us to slow down, to pay attention, to listen closely, to be on the lookout for the Divine Spark both in ourselves and in those we lead. Wherever your religious convictions happen to land, a spiritual director listens and sees. Here are just a few of the ways a spiritual director can be an invaluable asset to any healthy leader.
A director can guide a leader in self-awareness
I took my family to an arts festival this weekend, and my kids shot straight to the inflatables and Jupiter Jump. I watch kids on inflatables and think it’s such a metaphor for emotional health and maturity. Most, if not all, kids have zero sense of self-awareness. They go flying and crashing into one another and tears ensue.
Each of us has a personality that’s a tremendous gift to ourselves and those around us, and at the same time, it comes with sharp hooks and edges that can cause severe damage to ourselves and others if we’re not careful.
Knowing who you are is one of the most important leadership lessons to learn, and it’s not something you suddenly wake up one day to discover. Self-awareness is a long and patient journey. A director is an indispensable guide on this path of self-development.
A director can help a leader see what we’re missing
Some years ago, I went to watch some of my students play soccer. I’d never been to an NCAA soccer match. To me, I just saw a bunch of people running in the grass kicking a ball. My colleague who joined me (who confessed to me that if he hadn’t been a youth pastor he’d have been a soccer coach) talked me through the whole game—the ever-evolving strategies of each team, the responsibilities of various positions. I was learning there was a game behind the game.
Spiritual directors are students of human nature. When there are conflict and friction either among your team or between yourself and your team, a spiritual director can ask penetrating, even uncomfortable, questions to get to the source. A director can help you see the game behind the game of your human interactions.
A director can ease a leader’s symptoms of burnout
There’s a story of Moses in the Bible where the children of Israel are attacked by enemies in the wilderness. When Moses holds his staff in the air, Israel prevails. When Moses’ arms get tired, the enemies take the advantage. So Aaron and Hur hold up Moses’ tired arms so that Israel wins the battle.
Who are your Aaron and Hur? Who lifts you up when you’re tired? Where do you go when the warning signs of burnout start creeping in? Where do you have a safe place where you don’t have to have all the answers and can say out loud your questions, doubts, and insecurities? A spiritual director can be your Aaron and Hur.
A director can keep a leader tethered to reality
Pride and ego are two of a leader’s most deadly temptations. If we’re not careful, we can confuse our true self with a distorted projected version of our self that others, over time, start to think is the real us.
I first met Mike when he interviewed for a youth ministry job at our church. We had a very informal group interview with the whole student ministry department. As we were ending, Mike turns to me and says, “Whose sheep are you?”
I’ll never forget it, because it reminded me that for me to be a healthy leader, I also needed to be a good follower. Whenever I start to believe too many of the nice things people say about me, my director calls me back to reality.
A director offers to a leader a non-anxious presence
Leadership can be lonely. You have to be “on” all the time. You have to have all the answers. People are counting on you. You deal with pressures both internal and external. You continually face the risk of being misunderstood.
A regular check-in with a director can be a calm in the midst of the storm, a peaceful island amidst the rocky waves of constant deadlines and demands. A director cultivates our mental and emotional health.
A director provides a leader accountability in holding margin
We are not whole human beings without healthy rhythms of work and rest. If we’re not careful we can say “yes” to everything that comes our way. Things like vacation and Sabbath are crucial to our well being.
Our margin is valuable. A spiritual director can provide accountability in naming and keeping appropriate, win-win boundaries for both you and your team.
If you’re looking to expand the width and breadth of your leadership abilities, consider reaching out to a spiritual director. If you have questions about spiritual direction or would like to set up a free initial consultation, contact me here.