10 Ways Ministry Leaders Do Self-Care
Several years ago, I ran my first marathon. Consequently, several years ago, I also ran my last marathon. Not because it was particularly a bad experience. Rather, it was a really hard experience, and really, my ego needed only one of those medals. Similar to the life of a runner, if you’re a person doing ministry—whether as staff or a volunteer—there are a variety of paths to self-care that are necessary for doing that work well for the long haul.
In that marathon season, I learned a lot of life lessons, many of which spoke to living a vocation of ministry. There was a particular goal (crossing a finish line after 26.2 miles). And while there was weight training related to my legs, getting my heart and lungs conditioned for an endurance race was a critical piece. Sometimes the most important piece isn’t the most obvious.
Here are some things that I’ve learned that sometimes aren’t so obvious but are crucial for stretching out those “spiritual muscles” for the endurance of a life-long vocation in ministry.
1. Sleep
The human body is designed to sleep for one third out of every day. No exceptions. James Bryan Smith, in his book about spiritual disciplines The Good and Beautiful God, starts with a chapter about sleep. The key to a great morning routine is a great evening shutdown routine. You aren’t your best when you’re chronically tired.
This isn’t about running yourself ragged until you crash so you can rejuvenate. This is about recognizing and respecting the limits of your physical body. Contrary to some religious ideas, Christian spirituality teaches that the physical body matters. Take care of your body. Go to bed at an appropriate hour. Take naps. Sleep is more productivity than we often give it credit.
2. Exercise
By profession, pastors tend to be a sedentary and unhealthy group. The relentless avalanche of tasks, meetings to go to, sermons to prepare, phone calls and emails to return, can squeeze out even the most basic physical activity.
Utilize a gym membership. Join a CrossFit group or a spin class. Commit to run a 5K. Walk for 30 minutes a day. Resist the urge to be slothful and overweight. All it takes is some intentionality. I have found that discipline in one area of my life spills into others. When I’ve been most disciplined in going to the gym, I’m most disciplined in more “spiritual” disciplines like prayer and Bible study.
3. Food
Again, it takes intentionality to treat your body well. My car needs regular maintenance in order to run at the level it was made to run. If I decide to skip an oil change for a few thousand miles because it’s inconvenient, I’ll ruin my car. Same with my body. And yet, for the season of life I took a paycheck from a church to work with students, I ate horribly—pizza, soda, sweets at every event—because it was so convenient and I didn’t pay attention.
Less sugar. Less carbs. Less alcohol. Less fried stuff. Less fast food. Less soda. Less processed food. More fruits and vegetables. More food made by nature. Michael Pollan sums up his Food Rules pretty succinctly: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Pay attention to how your mood is often connected to your food intake.
4. Date night
“Working for the church while your family dies,” sings Win Butler in the Arcade Fire song “Intervention.” A job in ministry doesn’t fit a 9-5, Monday through Friday schedule. It involves evening committee meetings, weekend weddings and funerals, and calls for hospital visits at the most inconvenient times. Only Jesus marries the Church. You have a spouse for a reason.
Marriage is a significant witness of God’s kingdom work in the world. Sacrificing your marriage for church activities undercuts that witness. If ministry doesn’t make you a better spouse, doesn’t make your marriage better and richer, you’re doing it wrong. Schedule regular, creative date nights with your spouse, just the two of you, and don’t talk about the church. Make sure you have a daily check-in with your spouse.
5. Intentional kid time
In the same way, if ministry doesn’t make you a better, more engaged parent, you’re doing it wrong. Dedicate yourself to being such a parent that your kids never get to use the “pastor’s kid” label as an excuse for therapy or sympathy among their peers.
As Jesus indicates in Matthew 18, being with our kids can be a deep way of encountering God’s presence for ourselves. Intentionally create space for regular one-on-one face time with each of your children. Maybe that’s playing video games or basketball. Maybe it’s a stuffed animal tea party. Go to the park together. Go to a ballgame. Sit on the floor and play with dinosaurs. You are the only parent they get.
6. Non-church hobby
Our brains need an occasional release. A hobby not related to anything at the church can be a healthy pressure release valve to the steady stream of responsibilities. It creates margin space for our brain. I most frequently find my lost keys when I’m not looking for them. In the same way, I often find I stumble across my best creative ministry problem-solving when I’m reading a novel, researching my fantasy baseball team, or gardening.
7. Friends outside church
Similarly, our emotions need a pressure release valve. And it helps when we have social outlets beyond our immediate family to share our lives with. It’s difficult to make new friends as an adult, which means it’s all the more important to work at it. Loneliness is a growing health epidemic. You need people in your life who know you as someone more than the church person. Friendship can be an undervalued part of self-care.
Like a guitar that gets out of tune as you use it over time, our emotions get frayed through the simple daily use of being a human. Investing in adult friendships, whether it’s over coffee or a check-in phone call go a long way tuning our souls and keeping the detrimental effects of loneliness at bay.
8. Schedule downtime
Pull out your calendar and block out a regular rhythm of downtime. 20 minutes each day. One sabbath day each week. 3 days of retreat each quarter. One week of vacation each year. Minimum. You need this mental margin space to reconnect with what’s most important in your life. Your self-care needs a regular pattern of unplugging.
9. Get a counselor
An Episcopal priest came to me for spiritual direction and told me that his diocese required all their clergy to have both a spiritual director and a therapist. If you’re leading a church or a ministry, you need to be growing in your own self-awareness and emotional intelligence. You can’t do that by only reading books. You need to talk to a counselor.
A counselor provides a safe space for processing through the inevitable ways our survival habits and baggage from our family of origin and our past relationships tangle up our communication with our staff, our congregation, or our family. Don’t attempt a regiment of self-care alone. The more allies, the better.
10. Laugh
Lastly, do everything you can to situate yourself in places that lead you to laugh a lot. Watch comedies. Watch stand up. Tell jokes. Hang out with kids. Join an improv group. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Spend time with people who don’t take you too seriously. Laughter is essential self-care medicine.
Laughter triggers endorphins in your body. It stimulates circulation and relieves stress. It relaxes your body. Laughter is good for your body, mind, and spirit.
The great thing is many of these can be stacked together. You might share a hobby of playing board games with your kids in a way that leads to lots of laughing. You and your spouse or a group of friends might plan on going to the gym together. Pray while you go for a walk in your neighborhood.
Too many people in ministry sabotage themselves from finishing well. Broken marriages. Emotional breakdowns. Terrible decisions about sex or money. Sheer exhaustion. Being a holy person involves your whole being. Your body, your emotions, your relationships are all part of your life in ministry. Pay attention to them. Be intentional about them. Don’t outsource your self-care. It’s how you get to the finish line well.
You can read more along these lines from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero.