3 Questions for Discernment

“What do I do next?” As a spiritual director, this is the question I hear the most. From the old and the young. From those just beginning the journey of faith and from those who have walked it for years. From those in professional ministry and from those who love the Lord in their regular jobs. All of us need a pattern of patient discernment when we find ourselves in these uncomfortable seasons of transition.

“I’m starting the think about retirement, but I don’t know what’s next.”

“I think I might be called to ministry.”

“I thought I was called to ministry, but now I’m not so sure.”

“She left, and I really don’t know to do now.”

“Graduation is coming soon. Then what do I do?”

“I’m feeling really unsettled and restless. How long do I stay with this?”

Life seems to constantly be gifting us with decisions to make, one after another after another. Sometimes it’s scary and risky to make one of those choices. Other times, just simply exhausting. They never seem to stop coming. It’s helpful to have some questions ready when they come. Even better, it’s helpful to have a trusted partner, like a spiritual director, to walk us through processing those questions.

Here are three that I’ve found particularly helpful in conversations like these.

Where do you see God at work in the world?

Where are the tiniest pins of light piercing the darkness? Where are beauty and redemption gaining a foothold? Where are you seeing fertile ground for a growing capacity for love of God and love of neighbor? Where do you see God’s kingdom breaking out, like a flower out of cracking asphalt?

I grew up in a church environment where knowing “God’s will” was a really big deal. So much so, there was a lot of anxiety around missing out on God’s will. Figuring out God’s will was like one of those death-defying challenges from an Indiana Jones movie. What if I pick the wrong career? What if I marry the wrong person? What if I eat at QDoba when God’s will for me was Chipotle?

Thankfully, that’s not how it works. Because we have the Scriptures, a whole lot of God’s will for us is pretty clear. Love your neighbors. Pray for your enemies. Don’t lie. Don’t worry about your life. The Bible gives us a whole lot of basic building blocks. God has given you a will of your own. You can use it with all these building blocks.

When I was a kid, my mom would tell me I needed to eat carrots because they would make eyes see better. Technology provides all kinds of ways we can augment our vision and our hearing. In a similar way, the Christian tradition provides ample practices that help us see God’s work in the world with clarity. They sharpen our vision. They focus our hearing. They include things like reading Scripture, prayer, Eucharist, church life in community, and service to the world. 

When we want to know what to do next, the last thing we should do is freeze and do nothing. God often shows up in the repeated themes we find in what we’re reading, conversations with friends, and the circumstances in which we find ourselves. So, where are you seeing God at work?

How is God inviting you to respond in obedience?

In other words, how do you say “yes” to God? God is at work in the world. Always. And once you see it, what do you do next? Like Peter in the boat, we find ourselves in moments when Jesus calls us to step out and join him. How are you being invited to join God in God’s work in the world?

Before you do anything, you have to be able to see. You don’t respond until you first hear. There’s the famous story of the prophet Isaiah who experiences God in the Temple. Isaiah responds to God, “Send me!” Unfortunately, we too often end the story there. But what God says next is both mysterious and profound. Hard hearts. Closed eyes. Shut ears. Hoped-for healing that doesn’t come. It’s such a powerful image, Jesus repeats it and Luke uses the quotation to close the book of Acts.

Open ears and eyes. A responsive heart. God’s healing. The connection between each of these is the rhythm of our lives. This listening and responding is the pattern of discipleship. Once we see how God is at work in the world, we say yes. We put one foot in front of the other. We take action. As one directee, who was a kayaking instructor, said to me, “I feel like I need to stop thinking and just paddle.”

There’s a pattern in the Scriptures connecting love and obedience. “Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me,” says Jesus. “Be careful to obey all these commands I am giving you. Show love to Yahweh your God by walking in his ways and holding tightly to him,” says Moses. “O people, Yahweh has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God,” shouts the prophet. Listen. Respond. Listen. Respond. This is the rhythm of the Christian life.

So how are you saying “yes” when you see God inviting you?

What community most faithfully supports you’re “yes” to God?

Lastly, who do you listen and respond with? What community provides you with an open lane to run wild with the gifts God has given you?

Western Christian culture has become so hyper-individualized this can be easy for us to miss. But as human beings made in the image of God, we are made for community. Every decision we make is connected to other people. No one is an island.

This requires much wisdom. There are times we need to submit to our community when they tell us “no.” Sometimes that can be a wake-up call to do some self-reflection to sift through whether we’re really hearing God or if we’re just giving too much attention to our own stubborn desires. And then there are times when hearing “no” from the community is the sign we need to find a more supportive community. If the community doesn’t encourage us as we listen and respond to Jesus, we need to find a new community. Again, this requires much wisdom, prayer, and conversation with people you trust.

“If that’s where you see God at work, you need to run. You should chase after that as fast as you can,” a mentor once told me when I was trying to make a decision. It would have meant stepping out from the faith family I’d spent most of my life with, and I half expected him to tell me I need to figure out how to make it work and stay. But it was such a relief to hear those words.

We’re not made to do this alone. The Christian life should come with the disclaimer: “Do not attempt this on your own.” It simply doesn’t work. And we’re made for committed, long-term relationships. We shouldn’t uproot ourselves every time things get hard or we don’t get our way. 

So, who are the people that help you say “yes” to God?

Final words

These questions are more of a connected loop than a straight line. Furthermore, discernment never really stops. Life keeps throwing big decisions at us. We look for God. We say “yes.” We say “yes” with others. But we only know how to see and hear God the way that we do because of the community we root ourselves in.

And be patient. Discernment is a process. Sometimes God shows up in a burning bush—dramatic and decisive. Sometimes you hear a crystal clear word. But more often than not, the way forward feels like fumbling in the dark, one careful, tentative step at a time. Don’t feel like you have to do this all by yourself. You don’t have to be alone in your discernment.

If you find yourself at a crossroads, in a messy middle, reach out to someone you trust—a mentor, a spiritual director, a friend that knows you well and tells you the truth. Talk through these questions together. And then walk boldly into the new possibilities that only God provides.