Unhelpful ways we talk about the Enneagram
One hat I wear in my vocational life is that of a corporate chaplain at a car dealership. Once a month, we have a management meeting with a leadership coach. I recently asked the coach if he had any experience with the Enneagram. He rolled his eyes and replied, “I’m so tired of hearing about the Enneagram. Have you seen Jon Crist’s video where he talks about it? That’s some funny stuff.”
And that may be true. Jon Crist is funny. And the Enneagram seems to be everywhere. But forming one’s opinion of the Enneagram from Jon Crist is like forming one’s opinion of the Bible from Bill Maher. Sure, extremes can be absurd. There are definitely unhelpful ways to talk about the Enneagram. But that doesn’t negate its usefulness as a tool when it’s used for its intended purpose. We don’t stop using hammers, citing statistics about how many people smashed their thumbs with a hammer last year.
Here are four pitfalls to avoid when using the Enneagram as well as three helpful encouragements to use it better.
Don’t equate with just another personality test
As human beings, we desperately crave to be seen and understood. Some times, we can share our Enneagram type with others out of this need, “I want to you understand me this way.” And that can be helpful at times. It can also be a charade. Some of us are using the Enneagram as a way of hiding from our true selves.
The Enneagram isn’t the Myers-Briggs. It’s not Strengths Finders. It’s not DISC. It may be like other personality assessments, but it’s not the same. A hammer and a drill are both tools necessary for building a house, but they don’t do the same things.
Each of us has deep questions that drive us. What’s the question driving you? What’s the question you’re bringing to the Enneagram hoping it will answer? You are not your personality. While having tools to name your personality can be helpful, the Enneagram can answer deeper questions.
Don’t put too much stock in online assessments
“What’s the best free online test I can take?” For many of us, because our introduction to the Enneagram is in the context of personality and personality tests, we assume we can take a 5-minute test online and know our type. It’s not that simple.
In communication theory, there’s a tool called the Johari Window. Imagine two intersecting lines that form four quadrants. One line is a spectrum indicating what you can see about yourself versus what you don’t currently see about yourself. The other line is a spectrum indicating what others see about you versus what others don’t see. The quadrants then represent four different parts of yourself: the open self, hidden self, blind self, and unknown self.
When we take a test, we only have access to two of those selves. And yet, we take these tests assuming that our known inputs will give outputs that we don’t already know. This is why it’s best to discern with others, like a spouse, a trusted friend, or a spiritual director. You can ask questions like, “Here’s what I’m seeing. What do you see?” or “What do I really need to know about myself that I’m not seeing?” Feel free to use online assessments. Just treat them as beginnings of a conversation and not any final word.
Don’t be too eager to label others
When we label, we limit. Human beings are made in the image of God, and the image of God is infinitely complex. Human brains, however, hate complexity, and we reject it as frequently as we can. Many of us walk through life with two labels, “like me” and “not like me.” And so we frequently lament, “Why can’t everybody be just like me?”
If you find yourself experiencing a gleeful superiority in figuring other people by assigning types to them, you need to cool it. Take a step back. The Enneagram names peoples’ motivations, and we can’t see others’ motivations. We don’t have access to it, so don’t make assumptions based on simple behavioral observations.
Our brains are constantly looking for shortcuts to make meaning of the world around us. The quicker we can sort the bombardment of information coming at us on a moment-by-moment basis. Having nine sorting options is better than the dualistic approach of me and not-me. But treating the Enneagram as nine boxes to neatly cram people in isn’t helpful. It should provide ample space for us to allow others to be themselves. Don’t limit people. Instead, allow yourself to be surprised.
Don’t shape your identity with it.
The Enneagram is not the thing. Mastering the Enneagram is not the thing. Accurately naming the human condition is the thing. If the Enneagram does not tell the truth about human nature, it’s a waste of our time. But as far as it does tell the truth about why human beings are the way they are, then it’s a valuable tool for our self-awareness and our life in community.
What the Enneagram leads us to is more adjective than noun. It should describe us, not define us. You are not a type. You are a human being, made in the image of God, and the image of God is infinitely complex. You’re not a Six. You’re a person. Instead of saying “I’m a Two,” try using language like, “I’m dominant in Type Two” or “I relate most to these Two-ish characteristics” or “I see this Two-ness in me right now.”
Each type is a generalized collection of traits, characteristics, and motivations. Take what’s helpful. Leave what’s not. The Enneagram is not a preordained script of what you can and cannot do. It may lead you to understand why you find yourself attracted to a particular line of work, but it doesn’t say you can’t do something or that you can’t get along with another type. It doesn’t give you license to be lazy or a jerk.
Cultivate curiosity about people.
Let the Enneagram lead you to ask better questions of people. We could circle all day questions about the origins of the Enneagram, or why it’s so popular with Millennials or with Evangelicals, or with some other group. The question still remains: Why is what’s important to you important to you in the way that it’s important to you?
If there are enthusiasts around you, it may be that the Enneagram answers a burning inner question they’ve been carrying and haven’t resolved anywhere else. The Enneagram doesn’t have to be everything. It shouldn’t be. But get more curious about people.
Be humble with others.
Taking a quiz, reading a book, or listening to a podcast doesn’t make you an Enneagram master. We’re talking about people here. Every person you meet is a wonder. Your work is to love them, not to figure them out. Give people ample space to surprise you. You don’t know everything about a person because you know their type. In fact, knowing a person will lead you to a better understanding of what that type can be like.
Discern your own journey with a guide.
Western culture is a highly individualistic culture. The flood of Enneagram resources in recent years plays into some of our worst individualistic impulses. We can choose our type. We can fill our heads with knowledge on our commute. We can read a book in the privacy of our bedroom. But knowledge without community isn’t wisdom. You need community. You need mentors. The Enneagram belongs in the context of spiritual direction.
Here’s how one friend put it to me: “My spiritual director is teaching me to use the Enneagram as a tool that helps with self-awareness, especially with regard to how to live out the healthy side and to be aware of my type’s specific inclination and propensity to unhealthiness. It’s been a total game-changer. But I believe that spiritual direction is key here. I would caution anyone who simply reads a book and tries to use a self-help approach. Facing one’s dark side alone without a guide is like trying to give birth alone. You could do it, but seriously, you’ll get better results doing it with a host.”
Does your knowledge of the Enneagram make you a better, healthier, more kind and compassionate person? Does it increase your capacity to love God and neighbor? Does it lead you into a deeper, more healthy life of community with others? These, and questions like these, are the best ways to be talking about the Enneagram.